Depression

Sorry I have not been keeping up but have
suffered a bout of depression. Hope to be
better by next week.

"Little Things".

I think I wrote something similar to this a few years ago in
my Gloria's Day Blog, but this was a writing exercise, so I
thought I would include it here as well, plus it is also updated.

"I was reading the other day, about the things that people find
annoying and I thought what silly folks to be upset over such
trivial things. Like someone mispronouning their name, all you
do is say "NO my name is not .... but ...." not every one is
familiar with every name there is especially as many people
pronouce their names differently just to be different, just
like Cliff's cousin Jeffery who called himself Jeroire. Then
many people seemed upset over the people who say "actually" a
lot, or used the phase 'the bottom line'.

Not much annoys me...except maybe tissues in the wash, it is
so time consuming to have to remove all the little bits from the
rest of the clothes. Why is it, there is always only one sock at
the end of the wash cycle when you know you put a pair in to be
washed?

Don't talk to me about supermarkets!! from the fact there is is
parking for Parents with Prams but when I was a mother with three
little ones no one gave a stuff about parents with or without prams.
I have a bad knee that plays up especially in winter, but the doctor
syas it is not bad enough to get a disabled parking sticker so I
have to hoof it 'miles' through the car park just to get to the
shopping center.

As for the car spaces they getting smaller and it is not as if I
have a large car but when a SUV parks on either side of me I can't
even open my door. As for the bastard that put a foot long scratch
on my 'new' car last week you'll get yours I believe in Karma and
it will come back onto you seven fold.

I have to scrounge around for a coin for the trolley and half of them
have wonky wheels. What is with the 'child' trollys? just another
way to get money out of harassed parents.

The items you want are either out of stock and not available on
"Raincheck" or there is only one left and the customer in front of
you gets it and you have to get a rain check, only like the last two
times I have had a raincheck it only lasts for 30 days and the stock
was never on the shelf for the whole four weeks of the raincheck!! so
you waste hours and petrol going to check every couple of days to see
if the item is there and the staff keep on insisitng it will be on the
next truck in tomorrow but it never is. The lollies are always placed
at the checkout so the kids whinge and whine for them and create a scene
when told "No you can't have them". Even if they are 'cool' teenagers!
Why is it as soon as you get in the short queue the girl/boy has to
1. Call for a price check.
2. Change the paper in the register
3. Close off the register as she/he is going on break.
4. Call for change or
the person in front of you spends $2 and wants to use the EPOS to take
out $100!!
Then there are the people who try to push in front of you and you have to
point out you were first and the people who "only have one item" and thus
try to make you feel quilty and let them in front of you. What do they
think the under twelve item lanes are for???? Finally why is it that the
ads on T.V. say as soon as there are more than 3 people at the checkout
we will open more check outs, but whenever I am at the supermarket, there
can be 10 people in the line and no sign of another checkout opening up.
Have you noticed those ads didn't last long? I guess that was another
promise the supermarkets could not keep.

Drivers on the road who
1. refuse to move to the inside to allow other cars to enter the road.
2. 'forget' to use their turn signals.
3. who just don't try to sneak through the orange, but boldly go through
the red light.
4. who race past you, while you are doing 40 in the school zone, 60, 80,
100 or 110 zones.
Why is when you are going 5 km over the speed limit you are always caught
and these buggers are doing 20-30 over the limit and there is not a police
man in sight?

No there is not much that upsets me.

Second Chance Part 3.

Various hats and coats hang on the stand pegs. Most are only
visiting and some we never see again. A few are friendly but
the majority are rather aloof. There is a cloche hat (so old
fashioned) which Mrs.Carobeanie (Snr) wears out shopping. She
rarely talks and when she does it is to say nasty things about
the ladies not wearing hats, which is nearly every lady these
days. Gran tells her 'to behave' but she never listens. Mrs.
Carobeanie (Snr) often looks like she has stepped out from a book
about the Roaring Twenties. Except on Sundays when she wears a
fluffy rose toque hat to church, then she looks like the Queen of
England. That hat does not live on the stand but sometimes does
visit just after church till after lunchtime when Mrs. Carobeanie
takes her up stairs, when Mrs. Carobeanie goes for 'her nanny'
nap as the children call it. The toque hat says "It it is a sad
sight at church. There are only a handful of older ladies wearing
hats now. Once there were a sea of hats and it was so exciting
trying to find the plainest and the most glamorous. Now she is
the best of a poor bunch. Soon no one will wear hats." Each
Sunday she describes all the hats and we agree with her she seems
to be the best of a poor bunch.

There is a closet next to the hall stand and in there are also many
hats and coats, also rain coats and gum boots. They rarely come to
the hall stand buit when they do visit they tell us how lucky we
are and how envious they are of us. "It is a terrible thing to be
kept in the dark and away from the light, it makes one sooo depressed."
They say.

Then there is of course myself. To the naked eye, I was a gentleman's
umbrella, dark ebony black material stretched over reinforced spines
to form my panels. A dark highly polished teak handle, but I had
secret assets. My head came off when the handle was twisted left, to
reveal a sharp pointed blade. When the handle was twisted right part
of the handle and my head came off to reveal a little gun. In its
chambers were two deadly bullets. A special size had to be made. My
father had said "Just as deadly as a larger bullett." He was the proof
of that statement.

It is quickly approaching 2 p.m. so I will not have time to tell you
of my many adventures but will skip to how I came to be here.

"Second Chance" Part 2.

Did you hate the wait? Sorry about that so on with the story.

Sally is so pround to be on the hall stand as she is 'only' a
letter opener. She has he own house on the stand. It is a red
round leather container. It opens into two halves. Sally is on
one side and a pair of scissors, a black pen and a red pen share
the other side. The letters are put on the stand after the postman
delivers them and each person takes their letters and opens them
with Sally, right there at the stand, so we see exactly what good
or bad news the family receives. Mary opens her father's mail but
she never takes it out and reads it. She also opens Paulo's mail
but never reads it either. Sally sometimes disappears, when the
person opening their letter walks off with her. When she returns
she tells us tales of a large bedroom with big bold brown furniture
or bedroom all done in in fluffy pink material and one that is
checked with racing cars on a shelf. Of the lounge room and the
music being layed. The family room where a T.V. sems to always be
on. A dinning room with a 'huge' table, sometimes it is 'cleared
off' and sometimes it is 'covered' in food. There has been a visit
to a bathroom, where there is a lot of 'running water' I have seen
many animals in the park run, but I have never seen a water. I asked
Sally what sort of animal a water was and she just laughted at me.
She can be quite hurful at times. After all I am the newest to the
house and the youngest and I have not seen as much as most of them,
thankfully more than Poppy.No one else on the stand has seen as much
of the house as Sally.

I have left Poopy till last. She is the third female umbrella on
the stand. Poppy is small. She is pale, yellow with red poppies
on her panals. She is a very striking umbrella, pretty but not
beautiful, if you know what I mean. Mrs. Mary Carbobeanie bought
her for her daughter, Miss. Gina's, tenth birthday. Poppy has never
left the hall stand. Miss. Gina says "I would rather be dead than
seen with such a babyish umbrella." She certainly gets wet to the
skin often enough but still won't use Poppy. Poppy never talks,
but every time it rains she cries. It makes us all rather depressed.

There use to be another male umbrella on the stand, Johnny S. I am
told. He belonged to Mrs. Mary Carobeanie's father. On one of the
ocassions when Freddy was visiting "Lost and Found", the young master
took Johnny. He has not been seen since. He was a large, black, wind
resistent brolly, from England. Bought back on the same trip as
Paddy. Paddy said Johnny was a great mate and deserved better. This
was six months before I came. The hall stand occupants wee extremely
upset, more so when it became apparent that none of the family members
noticed Johnny was missing. I asked what the S stood for in his name.
It is unusal for us to have more than one name. Paddy said Johnny was
a great one for quoting Shakespeare, as he had come from an area near
where Shakespeare had lived. I'm sure he sighted and if he could have
shed a tear he would have.

My real friend, is Cue. He as never moved from the stand either, but
unlike Poppy he doesn't care. He says he enjoys the company. Every
now and then Paulo looks at Cue and says "I really ought to get a
display case for that cue." Cue says that all well and good but being
put away, on his own, in a box, would be like putting Paulo in prision.
I just tryto look wise and nod. Cue is in the stand for sentimental
reasons. He is the first cue Paulo ever used. It was with Cue, Paulo
beat "Little Al" in "THE BIG GAME". I have never found out more details
than this, as Marie insulted Cue by saying he was going to tell me "that
long winded yarn". She said it would take 'forever' and everyone was
sick of it. She never says that about Teddy's boring stories, which makes
me jealous. All the woman go for the sporting types, if only she knew my
secret..oh well. Anyway Cue refused to go on. I had hoped one day to hear
the story but that does not look likely now.

There are many acquaintances on the stand. A peg board has been afixed
to the top of the stand and there are sets of keys hanging from it. They
think they are so cool because they always go out. Two sets are car keys
and six sets are house keys. I asked why there were not together and the
Porche keys said that the weight of the house keys pulls on the ignition
and can damage it. Paulo's house key said he had never heard that before.
Since then there has been a distinct cooling off in the relationship
between the house keys and the car keys.

Something From Meg ( A Modern Day Tale ).

Meg sent me an e mail which I thought was extremely funny, so
I'm going to share it with you.


THIS IS A FAIRY STORY THAT SHOULD HAVE BEEN TOLD TO GIRLS WHEN
THEY WERE LITTLE.

Once upon a time in a land far away.
There lived a beautiful, independent, self-assured princess.

One day as she sat, contemplating ecological issues on the shores
of an unpolluted pond, in a verdant meadow near her castle.
A frog happened to hop into the princess' lap
and said: "Elegant lady, I was once a handsome prince,
until an evil witch cast a spell upon me.
One kiss from you, however and I will turn back,
into the dapper, young prince that I am.
Then my sweet, we can marry and
set up housekeeping in your castle, with my mother.
You can prepare our meals, clean our clothes, bear my children
and forever feel grateful and happy doing so."

That night as the princess dined sumptuously on lightly,
sauteed frog legs, seasoned in a white wine and onion sauce.
She chuckled and thought to herself
"I don't f..king think so."

"Second Chance." Part 1.

This is a short story I wrote during my writing class when we had
to write from a different point of view (POV).

One life is over, another will begin today at 2 p.m. I am not sad, or
nostalgic, in fact if I could feel, I suppose the thing I would be,
is relieved.

My life started just over two yeras ago. Paulo Carobeanie designed me
for his personal use. I cost a little over $25,000, including taking
care of the man who actually made me. He was my first victim. I always
thought it was pretty poor treatment for my 'father.' Natutally, Paulo
paid for a slap up do and gave a nice sum to the widow. Paulo was such
a benefactor to the people.

Strange how careful Paulo was to conceal my existence, yet after getting
me, he kept me in the hall stand of his town house. He told Gino, (who
went everwhere with him and was his lieutenant, though I don't know what
branch of the service he was in, my fater's son was in the Navy) that
even the police couldn't see the tree because of the forest. As I have
never seen a forest, I've never understood this particular remark, I
don't think Gino did either, because he just looked vacant. I was to
learn this was not an uncommon expression for him.

In my hall stand I quickly became friends with the other occupants.
Paddy was a very, old, dark, brown hawthorn walking stick. He had come
from Ireland with Mrs. Carobeanie's father. Mrs. Carobeanie's father
lived in the house. We rarely saw him Paddy said because of 'his heart'.
I don't don't why his heart prevented him taking out Paddy, but the
whole time I lived in the stand, they only went out once. It was to a
funeral. I believe it was a brother of Paulo's, but Paddy never liked
to talk about it, something to do with a black sheep. Marie says that a
sheep is an animal that humans get wool from to make jumpers to wear in
winter. I have been to about twenty funerals in the past two years and
have not once seen such a creature. So the funeral Paddy went to must
have been very special.

Marie is French and has a delighful accent. However when she gets excited
it becomes hard to understand what she is saying. She becomes excited
quite often. It is her nature. She is the most beautiful female umbrella
I have seen, though we only have three in our stand. She has silk panals,
translucent white. She said the silk was imported from China. It is made
from worms. I saw a worm in a apple once, it did not look at all nice, but
Marie's silk panals are lovely. They shine so. On her handle there are
pearls and diamonds forming the letters MC. Marie belongs to Mary Carobeanie.
She is Paulo's wife. Marie leads a very active life for Mrs. Carobeanie
takes her out every day for protection from wind, rain and sun. Marie often
complains, she is 'exhausted' and needs a holiday. We all know she is a gad
about and loves all the attention she receives from us lesser used beings, when
we want to know what she did that day. She would never swap places with Paddy.
Marie will not tell me her age but Teddy says she is 'old' as she was in the
stand when he arrived five years before me.

Teddy is a hockey stick. A brash New Yorker belonging to the young master.
Teddy is always dirty and proud of it. His surface is covered with deep cuts.
He says these are a mark of pride. He goes on about the many battles he has
been in and what each scar represents. The first three times he told me his
stories I found them fascinating, but now there are just boring. I find him
boastful and vain. He calls himself 'a jock'. I agree with Gran, he is more
of a pain.

Gran is Paulo's mother's umbrella. "I'm a nice sensibale navy blue, suitable
for my age and station in life" she says and looks pointly at Marie when she
adds "No-one will hurt my mistress to try and get their hands on me". She is
reserved and does not talk a great deal. I think she has been in the stand
longer than anyone else. I bet her stories would be a lot more interesting
than Teddy's.

Freddy is a smaller version than myself. Of course he does not have my secret.
The young master owns Freddy and is a very careless owner. He is a shiny gray
colour, not the usual dull black. This comes in handy, as Freddy is often in
the "Lost and Found". It helps to describe his unusually colouring. Freddy has
been lost so often that he has a complex about it. When the young master comes,
Freddy tries to open up and catch his spokes on the stand so that the young
master will not take him, but it never does any good as the mistress always
insistes that Robert (the young master) take his umbrella if it looks like it
might rain. It rains a lot here. Freddy has developed a stutter and thus he
does not like to talk. I'd love to hear about all the places he has been to,
airports, train stations, school, department stores, bus stations, taxi
companies and various sporting complexes. He just says "It was tttteeerrrible"

Sally said that Freddy is suffering fear of being abandoned, and loss of family.
She knows these things as she once belonged to Mrs. Mary Carobeanie's psychiatrist.
It turns out Mary had a little ' souvenir / shop lifting' problem, but now Paulo
just asks the shops she visits to send him the bill. He tries to return any
'souvenirs' he may find. He does not know about Sally being 'taken' as Mary
said she bought Sally for him. It is stange because everyone else uses her
except Paulo.


TO BE CONTINUED.

"Yes, Minister"

Watched this show years ago and thought it extremely funny.

Now it is even more relevent than then. I realise it is the
British parliamnet but the basics hold true. It is not the
elected ministers who come and go that hold the power but the
'cival service' or here in Australia the 'public service.'
They are in their jobs for 30 years or more and rule the roost.

Saw a small extract the other day that cracked me up.

Hacker is telling the Prime Minister's Sectarary how to stop
him putting forward various bills.

"Tell him it is a 'bold' decision."

The sectarary asks "Not a 'courageous' decision?"

"No" says Hacker.

"What is the difference?" he asks.

Hacker replies "A 'bold' decision will lose him votes, a
'courageous' decision will lose him the election."

Talk about manipulating people!